Not every episode ends in ecstasy, however. But even by today’s standard, Lacey and Flynn Have Sex shocks. Indeed, a quick look at the podcast charts makes clear that subjects that were once highly personal (psychotherapy, pregnancy and sex) are driving serious engagement. In many ways we are living in the age of the overshare, where giving too much information turns ordinary people into viral stars. The listener hears them pant, moan and direct each other to orgasm. Their choice of words ranges from the ethereal (“I see your light shining,” one of them might say as they revel in each other’s “energy” and “aura”), to terms ordinarily censored: “Lacey is tugging on my cock,” Talbot might say or from Haynes: “He’s licking my side pussy.” It is not a podcast to be listened to in public. Their approach to the podcast’s sex segments is to talk through what they’re doing and how it feels in unflinching detail. But that first recording in April 2021 – dreamed up just a few months earlier – “developed its own momentum”, says Haynes, as the talk about sex turned easily to foreplay and then the act itself. “We intended to have sex off the podcast, and then come and talk about it,” says Talbot. H aynes and Talbot didn’t mean to record themselves having sex it just sort of happened. That is, after all, one of their key messages: that too many couples wait for the vague and mysterious “mood” to show up, when it is always within their power to have sex, be it before work, once the kids are in bed, or just after a mid-morning croissant on an unseasonably warm autumn Thursday. There is nothing about this conversation that suggests sex, but I don’t doubt it could go that way.
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Over tea in the kitchen, I listen to them lovingly bicker over how to heat pastries and I enjoy Haynes’ impressions of her kids pleading to stay up late.
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But with devotees come detractors, and, as I’ll find out, some of the pair’s more controversial views have attracted criticism.
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Throw into that a pandemic in which 78% of cohabiting couples saw a change in their sexual activity (and not for the better), and it’s perhaps no wonder that Haynes and Talbot have found a listenership. According to Relate, 29% of couples regard their relationships as “sexless” – and half of women and nearly two-thirds of men in the BMJ survey said they wanted to have more. Despite living in an age of hypersexualisation, with more Britons tuning in to Pornhub than BBC News, people across all demographics are having less sex than 10 years earlier, according to a 2019 survey published in the British Medical Journal, which also found that couples and over-25s are seeing the biggest decline. Their work couldn’t have come at a better time. They do it all from their idyllic home in Sussex, while juggling the parenting of their two home-schooled children. Haynes focuses on women – and extends their relationship work to include pregnancy – while Talbot takes care of the men. The project eventually transformed their relationship and led them to start their own business, which offers private coaching, online courses and even retreats. You hear them pant, moan and direct each other to orgasm
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It isn’t a podcast to listen to in public. It became a project that they worked on together, drawing influences from yoga and books on everything from diet and anatomy to politics and memoir. But rather than “living out the rest of our days like that”, they decided to invest in their sex life. As they tell their listeners, their relationship started out “hot and heavy”, before “the sex died”, says Haynes. From there, they believe, the sky is the limit: “elevated” sex can lead to better mental and physical health, and even a better career.Īfter all, it’s what happened to them. Their mission is to help coupled-up listeners have more fulfilling sex – and to transform nonexistent or perfunctory sexual experiences into something physically pleasurable, emotionally empowering and spiritually uplifting. In each episode Haynes, 37, and Talbot, 40, discuss techniques and topics around sex and relationships, covering everything from overcoming rejection to the joys of cunnilingus from rethinking orgasm as the ultimate goal to navigating intimacy with common conditions such as UTIs and premature ejaculation.
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But it’s not the sex that’s the main event – it’s the talk.